Death plays such an important role in the celebrations this time of year so I thought I’d dig around a little (not in a graveyard sort of way) and find some suitable obituaries. I wonder if these people would be happy with the write ups?
Count Gottfried von Bismarck
Count Gottfried von Bismarck, who died on July 2, 2007, aged 44, was a louche German aristocrat with a multi-faceted history as a pleasure-seeking heroin addict, hell-raising alcoholic, flamboyant waster and a reckless and extravagant host of homosexual orgies.
When not clad in the lederhosen of his homeland, he cultivated an air of sophisticated complexity by appearing in women’s clothes, set off by lipstick and fishnet stockings.
Full obituary at the Telegraph.
Frederick Arthur Clark
Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other’s courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost his battle as a result of an automobile accident on June 18, 2006. True to Fred’s personal style, his final hours were spent joking with medical personnel while he whimpered, cussed, begged for narcotics and bargained with God to look over his wife and kids.
During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon. You always knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friend and family. His sons said of Fred, “he was often wrong, but never in doubt”. When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred never peed in the shower – on purpose.
He died at MCV Hospital and sadly was deprived of his final wish which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze.
Full obituary at the Richmond Times Dispatch.
Selma Kock
Selma Koch, a Manhattan store owner who earned a national reputation by helping women find the right bra size, mostly through a discerning glance and never with a tape measure, died Thursday at Mount Sinai Medical Center. She was 95 and a 34B.
Full obituary at the New York Times
William Donaldson
William Donaldson, who died on June 22 aged 70, was described by Kenneth Tynan as “an old Wykehamist who ended up as a moderately successful Chelsea pimp”, which was true, though he was also a failed theatrical impresario, a crack-smoking serial adulterer and a writer of autobiographical novels.
Full obituary at the Telegraph
Dorothy Gibson Cully
She was born the second child of six in 1919 as Frances Dorothy Gibson, daughter to Kathleen Heard Gibson and Calvin Hooper Gibson, an inventor best known as the first person since the Middle Ages to calculate the arcane lead-to-gold formula. Unable to actually prove this complex theory scientifically, and frustrated by the cruel conspiracy of the so-called “scientific community” working against his efforts, he ultimately stuck his head in a heated gas oven with a golden delicious apple propped in his mouth. Miraculously, the apple was saved for the evening dessert. Calvin was not.
Full obituary can be found here.
And don’t forget to click on over to ABC Wednesday to see more ‘O’s.
Well, they are certainly different to the ones I've read in my local paper. I doubt they would pass the 'official' obituary committee (is that enough m's and t's?)
ROFL!!! I LOVE THESE! Thanks Lyn. I needed this today!
unbelievable obits! never seen anything like them!! I wonder how they served that apple?
I wondered that too!
I can't believe these are REAL obituaries. Usually, they're so basic and have no character. These were penned with much thought and humour obviously. Hmmm, maybe I should write my own obituary. Hopefully, I wont' need it in the near future, but this way, I'll have control about how I want to be remembered as. Great "O" Lyn!
Aren't they gems?
The daily telegraph have some great obit writers – http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/ I never knew they could be so interesting!
oh my god – these rock. Perhaps I could link people to this post at my Ancestors Ball??
Feel free to link, Aine
That count guy sounds like he'd be a lot of fun at a party!
Yes, it's a pity he's dead
These are a hoot – I can hardly believe they are real – probably a lot more truthful than the ones that are in the local rag. Well done O!
There is a school of thought that one OUGHT to write one's own obituary, if only to hope it comes out the way you'd like.
These are GREAT.
ROG, ABC Wednesday team
oh- this might be a great lead into writing your own obit- Like really evaluating what people think about you and what you've done, or adding stuff you want to be known for. I might ponder this for a bit.
Please be aware that these O's are a great reminder to write your own Obit….do it soon.
These are hilarious Lyn! Thanks for sharing them. I'm still laughing thinking about them.
What a wonderful O post! It was a great way to start my morning!
Donna – ABC Wednesday
These are incredible and some are laugh out loud funny. Never thought of an obituary as being a vehicle for revenge. But it's clear that someone not too happy got the last word. I'm with Roger, write your own or risk getting one of these.
These are funny! I think that Dot had to have had a great sense of humor…that's my favorite one.
What a fitting addition to an ancestor blog for Halloween!
Love your stuff, drop by and check out my ancestor post at faeriesagekitchen.blogspot.com
Blessings!
You totally made my day with these!
Oh they are just so good. So much better then the boring ones that are normally published they bring the dead to life so to speak. Think I'll start writting mine now